One of my least favorite roles of parenting was that of observer to the temper tantrum. Even now, although my sons are 24 and 21, I can remember those days like it was yesterday. I felt helpless and lost. Everything I tried to help calm them never worked. I'd threaten, bargain, tease, anything to get them to stop. Over the years I have learned that the power of a tantrum is fueled by questions and comments. I have changed my practice to now move a child to a safe space and say, "When you need me, I'm right here." This approach has had a much higher level of success. There's no doubt I am gonna be a much better bubbe than I was a momma!
This article shares a study that explains the process of a tantrum.
Deconstructing Temper Tantrums
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Box of Gems
There are times in one's career when the planets align and the universe is in your corner. Something happens that makes it all come together. Years of work bring you one precious gift, all wrapped up in pretty paper and adorned with a bow. (How this may look in your world is going to be different than in mine.) Today I received my gift.
Today was the last of a 4 day intensive Summer Institute for MSDE. I was teaching a course on Successful Classroom Management. This has been a subject near and dear to my heart from the beginning of my profession. I don't want to bore you with the syllabus, just know that this course covers brain development, how children learn, intrinsic and external motivation, etc, etc. 22 participants were in this class. Mostly teachers of 2-8 year olds, a few who worked with children with special needs/rights, a few administrators and two music teachers. We also had a 9th grade teacher, who told us he joined the class so he could learn more about parenting his young sons.
Yesterday I asked the group to think about a child/situation/challenge from the recent past that they can share with a partner today. Together we would look at the 6 steps to problem solving, and determine what we might be able to try next time we were faced with similar challenges.
My angel, the woman who delivered the gift, is a generous and kind teacher of two year olds. She has taught other ages in the past, but the story she brought to us was about a little two year old boy. She began her story by saying "I didn't do any of the things you told us, and I know that now." For the next 15 minutes, we all watched, laughed. cried, and every head in the room was nodding in agreement, shock and embarrassment. There were so many learning opportunities in this, there is no way to share it all in one post. Tonight you get part one.
This rendition won't come close to the experience she gave us, but I'll give it my best.
(I am now speaking in her voice, changing names and some of the details to protect all of us! My comments are in bold)
Little Joey came over to me, crying, saying, "Billy took my cow." I looked over, and on the other side of the room. (it was a small room), I saw Billy with the cow. I called over to him, "Billy, come here. I did that three times. Come here. I was very firm (shows us her firm face), but he didn't budge. He stayed over there. So I called "give him back his cow." Billy said "No" and looked away. You know that look? How they turn their head so they don't have to look at you? So I got up and walked over there and forcibly took that cow out of his hand. (she shows us and we hear her mumble "give me that cow.") So then I say "It's my cow now" and I put it on a shelf high above them. I say, "you can't have it back until you say you're sorry."
Yep. that's how it went down. Perfection for a trainer focused on creating change. This woman shared a story that every teacher or parent has gone through, in one way or another, over the course of their caregiving years. Let's point out some lessons here. I need to share that this teacher gave me permission to blog this.
1. Little Joey came over to me, crying, saying, "Billy took my cow."
2. I looked over, and on the other side of the room. (it was a small room), I saw Billy with the cow.
3. I called over to him, "Billy, come here. I did that three times. Come here. I was very firm (shows us her firm face), but he didn't budge. He stayed over there.
4. So I called "give him back his cow." Billy said "No" and looked away. You know that look? How they turn their head so they don't have to look at you?
5. So I got up and walked over there and forcibly took that cow out of his hand. (she shows us and we hear her mumble "give me that cow.")
6. So then I say "It's my cow now" and I put it on a shelf high above them.
7. Then I say, "you can't have it back until you say you're sorry."
1. At this point, I would ask for clarification of his feelings and expectations. "You seem angry. Is that true? What would you like to have happen?"
2.You saw Billy with the cow. Does that mean he took it? How do you know? Could he have had it first, only to have little Joey yank it out of his hand, so he took it back? A "what happened?" moment, giving each child a chance to share might have nipped the rest of this in the bud.
3. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Albert Einstein What messages are you sending by summoning Billy? Would you come over if someone was yelling at you, even if you were wrong? What if you had not done anything wrong? How would this summons make you feel then? We know this was not a gentle coaxing. It did not suggest that problem solving opportunities were on there way. It was scary to a two year old. Perhaps a simple walk over towards Billy might help him meet you half way.
4. This passage falls under the category called "Stop putting adult motivation behind children's behaviors." Yes, he turned away from you. But do we really know why? He may not have wanted to look at you because you were yelling at him. If that is the case, is that bad? Some might consider that a coping mechanism. Remember that children are capable of working out problems if given the tools in a supportive manner. (I'm letting the first sentence go by the wayside, even though we still do not know if that cow is really little Joey's.)
5. I think it was here that I just couldn't contain myself. This teacher was frustrated from the get-go because she, like so many others, don't believe that children are able to solve their own problems. She doesn't (let's change that to didn't, because now I think she's catching on), she didn't believe that by giving the children opportunity to have control over their environment you are actually helping them learn self control. All the techniques in the world mean nothing if we don't have an understanding of the capacity of young children to receive, process and retain information.
6. Bye bye cow? Why now, my cow? This reminds me of the teachers who close housekeeping "because the children don't know how to play respectfully in there." It's one of those illogical traditions. Makes absolutely no sense but we've all done that in the past. Let them have the cow back. Have the conflict. Embrace it. That's how we are going to learn.
7. Saying "I'm sorry" is an odd duck in the pond of teaching social skills. Saying "I'm sorry" generally implies that you are, for one, sorry that you did something. Feeling sorry requires empathy and understanding. Young children are not masters of empathy because some of the wiring for this doesn't even begin to spark until a child is close to 2 years old. Saying 'I'm sorry" implies that you are going to try your hardest to NOT repeat the action. Young children are going to continue to repeat the action until you or some other supportive adult teaches them some skills on dealing with their feelings. So really, with this under 6 set, asking a child to apologize could conceivably be setting them up to lie or fail. How many times do we see a child apologize as his leg is kicking his friend? Why do we worry about the apology at such a young age? Let's put that, along with letter of the week and show and tell, on the back bnurner for a few years and try that again when they are 6. Or 7. Or how about let's wait until the are ready.
For this course we used insights from several wonderful books:
Beyond Behavior Management by Jenna Bilmes Love this book!
You Cant Come to my Birthday Party by Betsy Evans Great resource!
Guiding Young Children's Behavior by Elenor Reynolds Problem Solving
Developmentally Appropriate Practice, published by NAEYC DAP
Today was the last of a 4 day intensive Summer Institute for MSDE. I was teaching a course on Successful Classroom Management. This has been a subject near and dear to my heart from the beginning of my profession. I don't want to bore you with the syllabus, just know that this course covers brain development, how children learn, intrinsic and external motivation, etc, etc. 22 participants were in this class. Mostly teachers of 2-8 year olds, a few who worked with children with special needs/rights, a few administrators and two music teachers. We also had a 9th grade teacher, who told us he joined the class so he could learn more about parenting his young sons.
Yesterday I asked the group to think about a child/situation/challenge from the recent past that they can share with a partner today. Together we would look at the 6 steps to problem solving, and determine what we might be able to try next time we were faced with similar challenges.
My angel, the woman who delivered the gift, is a generous and kind teacher of two year olds. She has taught other ages in the past, but the story she brought to us was about a little two year old boy. She began her story by saying "I didn't do any of the things you told us, and I know that now." For the next 15 minutes, we all watched, laughed. cried, and every head in the room was nodding in agreement, shock and embarrassment. There were so many learning opportunities in this, there is no way to share it all in one post. Tonight you get part one.
This rendition won't come close to the experience she gave us, but I'll give it my best.
(I am now speaking in her voice, changing names and some of the details to protect all of us! My comments are in bold)
Yep. that's how it went down. Perfection for a trainer focused on creating change. This woman shared a story that every teacher or parent has gone through, in one way or another, over the course of their caregiving years. Let's point out some lessons here. I need to share that this teacher gave me permission to blog this.
1. Little Joey came over to me, crying, saying, "Billy took my cow."
2. I looked over, and on the other side of the room. (it was a small room), I saw Billy with the cow.
3. I called over to him, "Billy, come here. I did that three times. Come here. I was very firm (shows us her firm face), but he didn't budge. He stayed over there.
4. So I called "give him back his cow." Billy said "No" and looked away. You know that look? How they turn their head so they don't have to look at you?
5. So I got up and walked over there and forcibly took that cow out of his hand. (she shows us and we hear her mumble "give me that cow.")
6. So then I say "It's my cow now" and I put it on a shelf high above them.
7. Then I say, "you can't have it back until you say you're sorry."
1. At this point, I would ask for clarification of his feelings and expectations. "You seem angry. Is that true? What would you like to have happen?"
2.You saw Billy with the cow. Does that mean he took it? How do you know? Could he have had it first, only to have little Joey yank it out of his hand, so he took it back? A "what happened?" moment, giving each child a chance to share might have nipped the rest of this in the bud.
4. This passage falls under the category called "Stop putting adult motivation behind children's behaviors." Yes, he turned away from you. But do we really know why? He may not have wanted to look at you because you were yelling at him. If that is the case, is that bad? Some might consider that a coping mechanism. Remember that children are capable of working out problems if given the tools in a supportive manner. (I'm letting the first sentence go by the wayside, even though we still do not know if that cow is really little Joey's.)
5. I think it was here that I just couldn't contain myself. This teacher was frustrated from the get-go because she, like so many others, don't believe that children are able to solve their own problems. She doesn't (let's change that to didn't, because now I think she's catching on), she didn't believe that by giving the children opportunity to have control over their environment you are actually helping them learn self control. All the techniques in the world mean nothing if we don't have an understanding of the capacity of young children to receive, process and retain information.
6. Bye bye cow? Why now, my cow? This reminds me of the teachers who close housekeeping "because the children don't know how to play respectfully in there." It's one of those illogical traditions. Makes absolutely no sense but we've all done that in the past. Let them have the cow back. Have the conflict. Embrace it. That's how we are going to learn.
7. Saying "I'm sorry" is an odd duck in the pond of teaching social skills. Saying "I'm sorry" generally implies that you are, for one, sorry that you did something. Feeling sorry requires empathy and understanding. Young children are not masters of empathy because some of the wiring for this doesn't even begin to spark until a child is close to 2 years old. Saying 'I'm sorry" implies that you are going to try your hardest to NOT repeat the action. Young children are going to continue to repeat the action until you or some other supportive adult teaches them some skills on dealing with their feelings. So really, with this under 6 set, asking a child to apologize could conceivably be setting them up to lie or fail. How many times do we see a child apologize as his leg is kicking his friend? Why do we worry about the apology at such a young age? Let's put that, along with letter of the week and show and tell, on the back bnurner for a few years and try that again when they are 6. Or 7. Or how about let's wait until the are ready.
For this course we used insights from several wonderful books:
Beyond Behavior Management by Jenna Bilmes Love this book!
You Cant Come to my Birthday Party by Betsy Evans Great resource!
Guiding Young Children's Behavior by Elenor Reynolds Problem Solving
Developmentally Appropriate Practice, published by NAEYC DAP
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Summer is a great time to play with your children. It's also an excellent opportunity to prepare them for school. Why not do both at the same time?
This post, by Rick Ackerly, author of The Genius in Every Child, clearly shows that the best way to develop a child's kindergarten readiness skills is to offer them ample opportunities to play with others. It is through play that skills such as observation, assessment, impulse control and problem solving are honed and tweaked. Consider the story of 5 year old Ryan and his well meaning parents:
Kindergarten Readiness
This post, by Rick Ackerly, author of The Genius in Every Child, clearly shows that the best way to develop a child's kindergarten readiness skills is to offer them ample opportunities to play with others. It is through play that skills such as observation, assessment, impulse control and problem solving are honed and tweaked. Consider the story of 5 year old Ryan and his well meaning parents:
Kindergarten Readiness
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The ABC's of a Great Preschool
Last week, a friend asked me to describe, in 15 words or less, what makes a great preschool. (Ha!) Those of you who know me are probably snickering right about now, knowing full well how difficult it is for me to convey ANY thought in under 100 words, (let alone 15).
It got me thinking, though, about the characteristics of a great program. What are the keys factors of a school? I generated a little list for you.
A Great Preschool:
Accepts all children as integral members of their community.
Believes in children's abilities and potential.
Challenges children to scaffold their thinking.
Documents experiences through various means to help children reflect upon their learning.
Encourage children to take calculated risks.
Fosters creativity.
Generates excitement in learning through hands-on experiences
Helps families navigate the world of parenting through conferences, newsletters, seminars and blogs.
Invests in their teachers with respectful wages, benefits and professional development opportunities.
Joins together families, teachers and community to enhance the children's experience.
Kindles curiosity with authentic materials that are interesting and relevant.
Listens to children. Really, really listens.
Models honesty, fairness, respect, kindness and compassion.
Never, ever ever steps on a bug.
Observes children to better understand their ideas and abilities.
Preserves the wonder of childhood, every day in every way.
Questions children when they do not know the answer, leading to clarity and better understanding.
Reflects the diversity and values of it's families.
Supports children's interests with materials, resources and encouragement.
Turns "I dunno" into "I have an idea."
Understands.
Visualizes the children as competent and capable.
Waits through the quiet so children can think.
eXpects amazing things to happen.
Yeehahs and yays several times a day.
Zeros in on the wonders and fascination of childhood.
There you have it. The A-Z of a great preschool. Not sure if I would be able to pick just 15 words. If you had to narrow this down to only 15, which ones would you pick?
It got me thinking, though, about the characteristics of a great program. What are the keys factors of a school? I generated a little list for you.
A Great Preschool:
Accepts all children as integral members of their community.
Believes in children's abilities and potential.
Challenges children to scaffold their thinking.
Documents experiences through various means to help children reflect upon their learning.
Encourage children to take calculated risks.
Fosters creativity.
Generates excitement in learning through hands-on experiences
Helps families navigate the world of parenting through conferences, newsletters, seminars and blogs.
Invests in their teachers with respectful wages, benefits and professional development opportunities.
Joins together families, teachers and community to enhance the children's experience.
Kindles curiosity with authentic materials that are interesting and relevant.
Listens to children. Really, really listens.
Models honesty, fairness, respect, kindness and compassion.
Never, ever ever steps on a bug.
Observes children to better understand their ideas and abilities.
Preserves the wonder of childhood, every day in every way.
Questions children when they do not know the answer, leading to clarity and better understanding.
Reflects the diversity and values of it's families.
Supports children's interests with materials, resources and encouragement.
Turns "I dunno" into "I have an idea."
Understands.
Visualizes the children as competent and capable.
Waits through the quiet so children can think.
eXpects amazing things to happen.
Yeehahs and yays several times a day.
Zeros in on the wonders and fascination of childhood.
There you have it. The A-Z of a great preschool. Not sure if I would be able to pick just 15 words. If you had to narrow this down to only 15, which ones would you pick?
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Nuking the Instant Oatmeal
Last weekend I left my iPhone 4 on a plane. After the initial panic, it felt a little free-ing, traveling for the next 8 hours without a cell phone. But once I got home, when reality hit, I was at such a loss. My husband let me borrow his iPhone 3 for a little while. That was a mixed blessing. I loved having a phone again, but was surprised at how irritated I became while using it. It took almost 15 seconds to load my emails, as compared to MY phone which does it in less than 5. That 10 second time difference might as well have been 10 years.
As I write this, I'm shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it all. Our world has become an incredibly fast supercharged existence, with information speeding around us in what seems to be faster than the speed of light. Last year Google offered an option for people to UNDO an email they've sent, probably knowing that we sometimes move on auto pilot, and don't realize what we are doing until it is too late. Intentionality has seemed to be kicked under the carpet so Productivity can have a bigger place to run. I've often wondered how this sense of urgency will affect our children.
Then yesterday, at a staff training event, I saw the video below. It comes to us from the New Brunswick Department of Education, and clearly explains what many of us already know: Our children are growing up in a world that looks very different than the one many of us grew up in, and if we are going to reach them, as parents and teachers, we are going to have to learn to adapt.
Now please don't get me wrong. I love progress and change. I'm a big proponent of technology for children, but only when it's delivered and managed in a developmentally appropriate and safe manner. Really, it's all good. I just wish I could keep up.
My brother came to visit last night, and I offered him some of my homemade steak soup. (Recipe available upon request!) As I was reheating it in the pot, he told me "this would go faster if you microwaved it." I thought "of course...what was I thinking?" But now I know. I was thinking that the few extra minutes we had in the kitchen, chatting and catching up while I made dinner, was exactly what we needed to slow us down for a little while. I'll save the microwave for popcorn.
Do You Realize?
As I write this, I'm shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it all. Our world has become an incredibly fast supercharged existence, with information speeding around us in what seems to be faster than the speed of light. Last year Google offered an option for people to UNDO an email they've sent, probably knowing that we sometimes move on auto pilot, and don't realize what we are doing until it is too late. Intentionality has seemed to be kicked under the carpet so Productivity can have a bigger place to run. I've often wondered how this sense of urgency will affect our children.
Then yesterday, at a staff training event, I saw the video below. It comes to us from the New Brunswick Department of Education, and clearly explains what many of us already know: Our children are growing up in a world that looks very different than the one many of us grew up in, and if we are going to reach them, as parents and teachers, we are going to have to learn to adapt.
Now please don't get me wrong. I love progress and change. I'm a big proponent of technology for children, but only when it's delivered and managed in a developmentally appropriate and safe manner. Really, it's all good. I just wish I could keep up.
My brother came to visit last night, and I offered him some of my homemade steak soup. (Recipe available upon request!) As I was reheating it in the pot, he told me "this would go faster if you microwaved it." I thought "of course...what was I thinking?" But now I know. I was thinking that the few extra minutes we had in the kitchen, chatting and catching up while I made dinner, was exactly what we needed to slow us down for a little while. I'll save the microwave for popcorn.
Do You Realize?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Why 5 Pounds of Flour Trumps Playdoh, Legos and Batman
I saw this video on Monday Family Home Destroyed by Avalanche
I immediately had two simultaneous thoughts:
1. Oy.
2. What a great representation of hands on learning!
Now, I’m not suggesting that we all bring in 5 pound bags of flour and encourage our young children to redecorate the living room, however, think about everything this experience taught these little guys. ages 1 and 3.
• Bringing the new bag of flour into the living room (Gross motor, negotiation skills and cooperation)
• Opening the bag (Problem solving skills)
• Moving the flour from the bag to the couch, the windows and the television (Math, engineering and visioning come into play here.)
• Tossing the flour in the air like my brother (Modeling for the 3 year old and repetition for the 1 year old)
• Feeling the flour against my hands, the floor, the couch, etc. (Sensory, fine motor, discovery)
• Sharing our activity with mom (Self esteem, communication)
• Watching mom clean up (Priceless!)
Learning opportunities are everywhere. When the experience is relevant and interesting, the learning takes on a whole new depth.
My only advice to the mom? TOP SHELF.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I immediately had two simultaneous thoughts:
1. Oy.
2. What a great representation of hands on learning!
Now, I’m not suggesting that we all bring in 5 pound bags of flour and encourage our young children to redecorate the living room, however, think about everything this experience taught these little guys. ages 1 and 3.
• Bringing the new bag of flour into the living room (Gross motor, negotiation skills and cooperation)
• Opening the bag (Problem solving skills)
• Moving the flour from the bag to the couch, the windows and the television (Math, engineering and visioning come into play here.)
• Tossing the flour in the air like my brother (Modeling for the 3 year old and repetition for the 1 year old)
• Feeling the flour against my hands, the floor, the couch, etc. (Sensory, fine motor, discovery)
• Sharing our activity with mom (Self esteem, communication)
• Watching mom clean up (Priceless!)
Learning opportunities are everywhere. When the experience is relevant and interesting, the learning takes on a whole new depth.
My only advice to the mom? TOP SHELF.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
It's Not Just Me!
Last month I had a wonderful visit with a day school principal. We were discussing theories about child development and pedagogy. This principal shared that her teachers can always tell when a student comes from XYZ preschool, because those children can identify letters and numbers, and have some reading under their belt.
I asked her how she felt about that. Her response was not surprising. At least not to me.
The children who have these skills prior to kindergarten are indeed aware of letters and numbers and words. They fare pretty well in kindergarten and first grade classes. However, once these children move to 3rd grade, the school begins to see a sad pattern. Many of these children have more melt downs and stuggles than their peers, and need some one on one guidance in the next phase of learning. Why?
Because they didn't get the foundation they needed to learn to cope with school and life.
Negotiation skills, problem solving skills, thinking out of the box and intentional creativity were not a part of their curriculum in their early years, so they didn't have strong experiences with these social/emotional pieces.
I am highlighting a wonderful post from an early childhood expert on learning through play. I think you'll like it. Feel free to share with your friends and families. More importantly, continue to seek programs that allow children ample time for play, and run away from those programs that promise to have your 4 year old reading. Really...there's many more valuable lessons one can learn in preschool.
Learning Through Play
I asked her how she felt about that. Her response was not surprising. At least not to me.
The children who have these skills prior to kindergarten are indeed aware of letters and numbers and words. They fare pretty well in kindergarten and first grade classes. However, once these children move to 3rd grade, the school begins to see a sad pattern. Many of these children have more melt downs and stuggles than their peers, and need some one on one guidance in the next phase of learning. Why?
Because they didn't get the foundation they needed to learn to cope with school and life.
Negotiation skills, problem solving skills, thinking out of the box and intentional creativity were not a part of their curriculum in their early years, so they didn't have strong experiences with these social/emotional pieces.
I am highlighting a wonderful post from an early childhood expert on learning through play. I think you'll like it. Feel free to share with your friends and families. More importantly, continue to seek programs that allow children ample time for play, and run away from those programs that promise to have your 4 year old reading. Really...there's many more valuable lessons one can learn in preschool.
Learning Through Play
Sunday, March 13, 2011
We'll call him Vanessa!
Older threes. Gotta love 'em! They play beautifully and seem to enjoy working together. Some are bossy, some are meek, and others can seem brutal. What do you expect? They've only been on this planet for three years!
I was lucky enough to collaborate with a few last week.
While hanging out in a classroom, I noticed a small millipede on the carpet. Seeing an opportunity to role model how teachers can encourage scientific reasoning skills, I used my best "Oh, my" voice, went over to the carpet and announced, "Look, I see a creature (and an excellent opportunity for documentation!")
Funny how that sparked movement in the room. One teacher grabs the camera, while the other one as well as the director get their notebooks. Several children come over to look, and while the little guy was still on the carpet I wondered aloud "what should we do with him?" Someone suggests picking him up and tossing him outside.
"No, we can keep him," someone says to me. ( I love compassionate people.)
ME: What do I do now?
SOMEONE: Get a something to lift him up.
ME: Like what?
SOMEONE: I know! Here!
I am given a tool from housekeeping. Looks like a cross between a plastic spade and a pie knife. I get the creature onto the knife and lift him up.
ME: Where to?
ANOTHER SOMEONE: A bowl! He needs a bowl.I am handed a silver salad bowl. We put him into the bowl, and out of nowhere a rock lands next to him, bounces and hits his teeny little millipede head. What the ???
The 3 year old shotput thrower plops herself down beside me with a huge smile on her face, as if to say, "Yep, I just did that! Did you see that? And it bounced, too!"
All I can think of at that moment is that there is going to be a group of people protesting outside tomorrow with signs, chanting: "Don't support this school! They test on millipedes and other small animals."
THE FUTURE OLYMPIAD'S FRIEND: Don't do that. You will KILLLLL him!
That seemed to work. She puts her hand in the bowl as if to take out the rock, then reconsiders and tries to smush the millipede with her fingers.
Two thoughts occur simultaneously: 1) How did this guy manage to survive the initial blow to the head? and 2) How we are going to handle his funeral?
ME: Okay, sweetie, we can take a closer look at him once he is in a safer home. Let's move to the table so everyone can look.
 |
| Children learn best when they are excited about their discoveries. |
My friend agrees, and we move to higher ground. Everything stops as we all stare at him. A good 10 seconds of staring, Then, as if a switch went off, the children all started chatting at once.
What can we feed him? He needs water! He needs a bed! He needs toys! He needs a name!
"I know"! gushes a little girl, "We'll call him Vanessa!" Everyone tries out that name. 'Vanessa! That's great!" Someone eagerly suggests the name Kelly, but that one didn't seem to catch on. Vanessa it is!
This period of trying things on continues for a few more minutes. People bring him food - a plastic carrot? TOO BIG. A plastic tomato, maybe? Still too big. A plastic strawberry? Still too big. BAM! Another rock tossed into the bowl. OY.
ME: Sweetheart, can you please find something soft to toss into the bowl?
She nods and starts looking.
Then someone suggests we cover him. Brilliant idea my friends! I think I actually heard Vanessa cheer from inside the bowl. The children (I think we have about 6 of them still engaged) look around and find a jar with a lid. All is silent once more as we watch him get slowly poured into the jar. When I twist the lid I announce that it is really tight and I wonder if air is able to get in there.
SOMEONE: He's gonna DIEEEEEE. He needs AIRRRR!
Another SOMEONE: I know, I can put a hole in it. (Where do they get this stuff?)
I hand her the jar with the lid already on it. She smiles as if to say, "you amuse me, you sweet, unknowing woman." She asks me to give her just the lid. Using the spade/plastic knife, she eventually stabs a hole into the lid. She's 3. She's brilliant, and persistent, and right now, quite pleased with herself. At one point we heard her mumble, "If this was a real knife it would work better."
Ladies and gentlemen, I present our future!
This story goes on for another 7 or 8 minutes. We'll share more later. For now, let's unpack what just happened.
Each step of this activity was initiated by the children. My excitement helped fuel theirs, however, at no point did I dismiss their ideas. The millipede had several homes before he was safe in the jar.
I could have easily grabbed a jar in the beginning, but then we would have lost the experience with the
little rock thrower, (which was valuable, since her friends and teachers needed to see that she wasn't punished for her experiment, but rather accepted as an active participant that needed a little guidance.)
If I had put the guy in a jar from the get go, would we have had the opportunity to see him crawl and slide down the sides of the bowl?
Could all of our little heads fit over the jar as easily as it did over the open bowl? How would we all have shared that moment of watching (which led to the feeling of ownership) if we only could peek into the jar one at a time?
Had I put him the in jar at first, there would have been no way to test the hypotheses of appropriate food size. We needed to see him next to the carrot and the tomato and strawberry. While you, my adult learner friend, could tell it was too big, younger learners need that concrete experience in order to understand. And the little surgeon, the one with the knife? God love her. She had a plan, and followed through with it. How often do we stop these experiences in the name of TIME?
I am grateful to the teachers for allowing me to play in there. At any point they could have encouraged the children to go back to their painting or blocks, but they didn't. They realized, too, that something really cool was happening, and put their planned learning on hold. Good for them. And great for the children. :)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Raising Children with Self Control
I recieved this text the other day from my son Dan: "NPR is talking about the importance of self control in preschoolers." Gotta love my son. From the time he was 4 he wanted to be president. At 6 he told his teacher that instead of making 1 paper apple for the class tree he wanted to make 5. He told her "I'm a Jensen, and we do more." He used his Bar Mitzvah money to buy a PDA in order to stay "organized." At 15 he was a regular reader of Entrepreneur and Success magazines. At 18 he was researching websites to best seek out truth in journalism. Getting this text wasn't such a surprise. My only concern was that he had pulled the car over to the side of the road before he wrote it.
I digress...back to my story. :)
NPR was discussing a longitudinal study from New Zealand (linked below) which suggests that self-control in young children can predict adult success, and that preschool children who struggle with self control are three times more likely to struggle as young adults.
These kinds of reports tend to make me nervous. Why? Because they tend to make parents anxious. After reading this, some of you may worry that you are not giving your children enough opportunities to practice self control. You may see your natually impulsive 3 year old daughter in a different light, worried that her inability to wait quietly in line at the grocery store may lead her to a life of crime and self-destruction. Shhh, relax my friends. It's all good. Today's message is:
1. Understand that children are able to sit and listen to you for a short period of time before they get bored. Shorten the time you expect them to sit, or create a more active and exciting experience for them.
2. When standing in line at the grocery store, remember that if they are busy, all is good! Play little games, like "I am thinking of a color", or "can you find the book on the shelf with the number 4 on it?" or, my personal favorite "which celebrity on that magazine got a face lift?" :)
3. Offer your child opportunities to take care of themselves and others. When you come home from school, your child can give the dog his water before going to play. In the morning, 2 year olds can put their jammies away and the pillows back on the bed. At 3 you can add a little more to the list. Challenging a 3 year old with making the bed, teeth brushing, getting dressed and coming to breakfast is too much to expect. Pick one chore, teach it, allow them to succeed at it for a while, then add another.
Enjoy the article. Remember you can post questions in the comment box. However, if you prefer, you are always free to email me at playforaliving@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter: playforaliving.
I digress...back to my story. :)
NPR was discussing a longitudinal study from New Zealand (linked below) which suggests that self-control in young children can predict adult success, and that preschool children who struggle with self control are three times more likely to struggle as young adults.
These kinds of reports tend to make me nervous. Why? Because they tend to make parents anxious. After reading this, some of you may worry that you are not giving your children enough opportunities to practice self control. You may see your natually impulsive 3 year old daughter in a different light, worried that her inability to wait quietly in line at the grocery store may lead her to a life of crime and self-destruction. Shhh, relax my friends. It's all good. Today's message is:
Young children are impulsive.
It's on their job description, right under "curious and sometimes bossy to other siblings."
It's on their job description, right under "curious and sometimes bossy to other siblings."
The role of the caregivers in the life of these children is to understand their levels of impulsivity and create environments that support them. A few tips for you:
1. Understand that children are able to sit and listen to you for a short period of time before they get bored. Shorten the time you expect them to sit, or create a more active and exciting experience for them.
2. When standing in line at the grocery store, remember that if they are busy, all is good! Play little games, like "I am thinking of a color", or "can you find the book on the shelf with the number 4 on it?" or, my personal favorite "which celebrity on that magazine got a face lift?" :)
3. Offer your child opportunities to take care of themselves and others. When you come home from school, your child can give the dog his water before going to play. In the morning, 2 year olds can put their jammies away and the pillows back on the bed. At 3 you can add a little more to the list. Challenging a 3 year old with making the bed, teeth brushing, getting dressed and coming to breakfast is too much to expect. Pick one chore, teach it, allow them to succeed at it for a while, then add another.
Enjoy the article. Remember you can post questions in the comment box. However, if you prefer, you are always free to email me at playforaliving@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter: playforaliving.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Help Wanted: Kids with Creativity
Last spring, IBM ran a most impressive study of 1500 CEO's from 60 countries. One of the key points identified from their study is that in order to compete in the world today - and tomorrow - our leaders will need a strong sense of creativity. And they don't mean people who can color inside the lines.
From the study, we learned that creative leaders:
Are highly innovative and use that to change business models
From the study, we learned that creative leaders:
 |
| Creative leaders are higly innovative and use that to change business models. |
Expect to make more new business model changes to realize their strategies
(Maybe this is the child who makes a birthday card by using scraps of paper, tearing and gluing and stapling and taping, all the while looking for things around the house that might help embellish the card as well.)
(Possibly the 3 year old that appears to live in the block center. He encourages his friends to join him in making a tower, but upon realizing (visioning) they don't have enough blocks, suggests they build a boat instead.)
Invite discruptive innovation, and invite others to join them
(Perhaps the preschooler who gets up during circle time to see the bird at the window, calls to their friends to join, and suggests they make an INSIDE bird feeder so the birds can come into the class.)
Are courageous and visonary enough to change the status quo
(Have you ever seen a boy in a pink tutu?) I've attached the article for you. It's time to rethink how we teach our children.
Thursday, February 03, 2011
A lesson from Jeremy's Grampa's house
"... I have observed over and over again that young children who are intellectually engaged in worthwhile investigations, begin to ask for help in using academic skills- for example, writing and counting,-in the service of their intellectual goals.” ~ Lillian Katz
With all this discussion on how children learn, I thought you might want to see what it would look like in action. Below is a section from a book I am working on. In this letter, the director is writing to her lifelong mentor about an experience that happened in one of her 4 year old classrooms.
Dear Marci,
Wow, what a month! Mrs. W.’s class had a true emergent learning experience! From the initial interest right down to the documentation, every step was beautifully done! You are going to love this.
Jeremy Booker came back from winter break and told everyone about photos he found at his Grampa’s house. He brought one in for us. Turns out they were photos of the Northern Lights. The children started to get very excited about the idea of Northern Lights (since that’s the name of our school) and started talking all at once. Most of the children didn’t have any past experiences to draw from, but Leah told the class that her daddy saw the lights, too, before she was in mommy’s tummy. At this point, both Mrs. W. and her assistant Kaycee decided that this could be a pretty interesting course of study. Kaycee started writing things she overheard the children say in class, and Mrs. W. went straight to the reference library for some books. She shared the book Northern Lights A to Z by Mindy Dwyer. Afterwards, she asked for the “what do you know’. Here’s some of what they told her:
Several of the children started to draw or paint their interpretation of the lights. Kaycee overheard the children talking about the lights in both the block area and dramatic play.
Based upon what she observed, Mrs. W. determined there was enough interest to continue the study. Emailing the staff and parents, she shared what happened, and asked for any ideas they might have. (yep, she asked the parents for ideas. I LOVE her! )
The next day Mrs. W. brought in some flashlights. She showed them to the children and asked how they how they would like to use them. After they played with the on/off button for what seemed like forever, the children began to have questions. They wanted to know if they could make the beam of light that came from the flashlight a color other than white. They began to experiment by covering the light part with construction paper, paint, and tissue paper.
Devon’s dad brought in a telescope, which added an interest in looking at the sky. Some of the children wanted to make their own telescopes, so that became the next little project. Mrs. W. encouraged them to draw out their plans before building them, so the children designed their telescopes first. Their drawings were incredibly detailed.
The teachers decided that this would be a great time to observe and support the children’s play. They put aside their lesson plans and became facilitators. For example, in the block center, some of the boys were building a tower. They were focused on making it as high as possible. At one point, they had pulled a chair out and were about to stand on it. Kaycee asked them if they needed her help and they announced that they wanted to make their “ladder” bigger and take it outside so they could touch the lights when they come back around. Building stopped while they discussed how far the sun and the sky were from the school. When the children determined that there were not enough blocks left in the room to make the ladder reach the sky, and that the ceiling was going to get in their way, they decided to go just try and make the ladder as long as they could. They took the project into the hall, and continued building!
Jeremy’s mom came in and explained that the lights are not really lights but particles from the sun that get trapped in the magnetic energy when they fall near the earth. The children were surprised that particles meant dust, and began speculating how the sun gets dust on it. “Is rain when the sun takes a tubby?” Great question!
Leah’s dad’s story made quite an impression on the children. He explained that he saw the lights when he was living in Montana, (which took the children on a little side study of the U.S. map.) He told them shared that he was walking down the street one night and was surprised by the lights up above. He said it looked like God was shaking a blanket of color over the sky. Someone asked him if he took a picture and he told them no but that he would remember it in his heart forever. Wow. Mrs. W. said the children simply stared at him and nodded their heads in understanding. After he left, some of the boys started showing each other how to shake a blanket to make the colors wave. Jason began making up stories of what he would do if he was walking all alone down the street. (Gotta love how some kids see different perspectives of a story!)
Prompted by this story, children wanted to make blankets of color. The weaving tool, which hardly gets any use, became a staple in the classroom, and we actually had to buy more loops!
Kaycee showed a few children that if they punched holes in a black sheet of construction paper and lifted it to the light, it looked a little like the night sky. This new idea was a winner with several children who practiced hole punching and scissor cutting. One child cut out a large portion of the black paper and decided to lay it on top of green paper to make the colored sky. All the children were excited about this and began to replicate her idea.
Leah’s mom brought in some crepe paper, and the children told Kaycee how to arrange it on the ceiling to make the colors “shake”.
One of the little girls asked if birds could get hurt when this happened….wow! Another question that needed research… (P.S. No.)
Teachers took and posted photos every day. They ran a slideshow on their computer so the children could revisit them whenever they wanted. They also put posters with some of the photos and representations along the hallway by their classroom so that rest of the school could share in their learning.
Marci, This process of discovery has gone on for almost 4 weeks! The classroom and the hallways look like an astronomy museum. There are paintings and drawings created with fingerpaints, paint brushes, crayons, markers, Qtips, and marbles. One child decided to use string to replicate the strands of light. The other teachers are now interested in doing this with their class. There’s a different, more powerful excitement around here! I think some people just needed to see it in order to believe it could. I am thrilled to bits. Can’t wait to see what happens next!
With all this discussion on how children learn, I thought you might want to see what it would look like in action. Below is a section from a book I am working on. In this letter, the director is writing to her lifelong mentor about an experience that happened in one of her 4 year old classrooms.
Dear Marci,
Wow, what a month! Mrs. W.’s class had a true emergent learning experience! From the initial interest right down to the documentation, every step was beautifully done! You are going to love this.
Jeremy Booker came back from winter break and told everyone about photos he found at his Grampa’s house. He brought one in for us. Turns out they were photos of the Northern Lights. The children started to get very excited about the idea of Northern Lights (since that’s the name of our school) and started talking all at once. Most of the children didn’t have any past experiences to draw from, but Leah told the class that her daddy saw the lights, too, before she was in mommy’s tummy. At this point, both Mrs. W. and her assistant Kaycee decided that this could be a pretty interesting course of study. Kaycee started writing things she overheard the children say in class, and Mrs. W. went straight to the reference library for some books. She shared the book Northern Lights A to Z by Mindy Dwyer. Afterwards, she asked for the “what do you know’. Here’s some of what they told her:
- It’s not really lights, but stars
- God colors them in before they fall
- They took the name from the school’s name (loved that one!)
- The clouds hold them until its time
- They are really rain
- Sometimes its purple or green or blue but never black. Black is nighttime.
Several of the children started to draw or paint their interpretation of the lights. Kaycee overheard the children talking about the lights in both the block area and dramatic play.
Based upon what she observed, Mrs. W. determined there was enough interest to continue the study. Emailing the staff and parents, she shared what happened, and asked for any ideas they might have. (yep, she asked the parents for ideas. I LOVE her! )
Then so many cool things happened:
The next day Mrs. W. brought in some flashlights. She showed them to the children and asked how they how they would like to use them. After they played with the on/off button for what seemed like forever, the children began to have questions. They wanted to know if they could make the beam of light that came from the flashlight a color other than white. They began to experiment by covering the light part with construction paper, paint, and tissue paper.
Devon’s dad brought in a telescope, which added an interest in looking at the sky. Some of the children wanted to make their own telescopes, so that became the next little project. Mrs. W. encouraged them to draw out their plans before building them, so the children designed their telescopes first. Their drawings were incredibly detailed.
The teachers decided that this would be a great time to observe and support the children’s play. They put aside their lesson plans and became facilitators. For example, in the block center, some of the boys were building a tower. They were focused on making it as high as possible. At one point, they had pulled a chair out and were about to stand on it. Kaycee asked them if they needed her help and they announced that they wanted to make their “ladder” bigger and take it outside so they could touch the lights when they come back around. Building stopped while they discussed how far the sun and the sky were from the school. When the children determined that there were not enough blocks left in the room to make the ladder reach the sky, and that the ceiling was going to get in their way, they decided to go just try and make the ladder as long as they could. They took the project into the hall, and continued building!
Jeremy’s mom came in and explained that the lights are not really lights but particles from the sun that get trapped in the magnetic energy when they fall near the earth. The children were surprised that particles meant dust, and began speculating how the sun gets dust on it. “Is rain when the sun takes a tubby?” Great question!
Leah’s dad’s story made quite an impression on the children. He explained that he saw the lights when he was living in Montana, (which took the children on a little side study of the U.S. map.) He told them shared that he was walking down the street one night and was surprised by the lights up above. He said it looked like God was shaking a blanket of color over the sky. Someone asked him if he took a picture and he told them no but that he would remember it in his heart forever. Wow. Mrs. W. said the children simply stared at him and nodded their heads in understanding. After he left, some of the boys started showing each other how to shake a blanket to make the colors wave. Jason began making up stories of what he would do if he was walking all alone down the street. (Gotta love how some kids see different perspectives of a story!)
Prompted by this story, children wanted to make blankets of color. The weaving tool, which hardly gets any use, became a staple in the classroom, and we actually had to buy more loops!
Kaycee showed a few children that if they punched holes in a black sheet of construction paper and lifted it to the light, it looked a little like the night sky. This new idea was a winner with several children who practiced hole punching and scissor cutting. One child cut out a large portion of the black paper and decided to lay it on top of green paper to make the colored sky. All the children were excited about this and began to replicate her idea.
Leah’s mom brought in some crepe paper, and the children told Kaycee how to arrange it on the ceiling to make the colors “shake”.
One of the little girls asked if birds could get hurt when this happened….wow! Another question that needed research… (P.S. No.)
Teachers took and posted photos every day. They ran a slideshow on their computer so the children could revisit them whenever they wanted. They also put posters with some of the photos and representations along the hallway by their classroom so that rest of the school could share in their learning.
Marci, This process of discovery has gone on for almost 4 weeks! The classroom and the hallways look like an astronomy museum. There are paintings and drawings created with fingerpaints, paint brushes, crayons, markers, Qtips, and marbles. One child decided to use string to replicate the strands of light. The other teachers are now interested in doing this with their class. There’s a different, more powerful excitement around here! I think some people just needed to see it in order to believe it could. I am thrilled to bits. Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Don't Lower Your Expectations, Raise Your Acceptance!
Last night I facilitated a training for parents of preschoolers. The title, Juggling the Baby, the Brisket and the Boss, wasn't my idea, but it made for some great conversation nonetheless. Stressed parents came to the session hoping to learn how to be better and do more in what little time they had.
Here are a few of the points of discussion from last night's session.
Our stress as parents seems to stem from wanting what is best for our children, but not exactly knowing how to do that. We listen to so many people yet have forgotten to listen to ourselves. Our children need time simply to be near, touch, or talk to us. Nothing fancy, just time. So why do we have them scheduled for back to back classes AFTER school?
In 25 years, many of our children will be working in jobs and in fields that have not yet been created. How do we prepare them for that?
When our babies were born, we were utterly head over heels in love with them. Nothing in the world could compare to that angel. Then, at one point we brought our son or daughter to a mommy and me group, and looked around at other 15-18 month olds who, all of a sudden appeared cuter, smarter and more talented than our little angel. When you start to compare your child to others, what happens to your perception of them? How does that perception affect your parenting style? You are your child's mirror. What does he see now, on the ride home from mommy and me, that he didn't see earlier?
I think that sometimes the role of the preschool teacher is to help parents fall in love with their children again.
The 2 year old girl who lines up each raisin from the box before she eats it is having a great time on her own. Yet, why do so many parents feel compelled to stop her? Is it because she is doing something quirky, something their friend's daughter never did, and they are embarrassed? Or is it becasue they are in a rush to get her to ballet class? Take a moment and watch her. She's happy. She's engaged. She's playing beautifully on her own. She's THINKING! Why stop her?
A parent shared that her 3 year old son doesn't listen to her. I asked her what she was asking of him. "Usual stuff", she said. "Things like 'Show Bubbie what you learned in school, come count to 5 for Aunt Susie, show everyone what you did in art.'' I gave her a smile and told her that her shy son wasn't being rude, he was being honest. By "not listening" he was actually telling his mother something. Maybe she wasn't listening to him either. I asked her to think about what he loves to do. What makes him happy? How might she let him share that?
How cool would it be if we could just accept are children for who they are and what they love to do? Is it possible to allow them to be honest versions of themselves? When you see that your 5 year old loves to dance and sing, do you lament that she wants to be the center of attention, or do you choose to celebrate that she has negotiated a way to communicate that suits her? Build her a stage, make some popcorn, and let the show begin!
Well meaning parents and teachers are "pre-diagnosing" children as having ADD or ADHD because the children can't seem to pay attention in school. Why are these children unable to pay attention? For the most part, they are bored. No one is giving your 5 year old dancer the chance to move while she is learning. She's being told to sit and listen and focus. Children who are bored may feel stress because they what they really want to do is use their brains and participate. They will try anything to stimulate their minds. They might jump up impulsively in circle time or hit their friend over the head. To them, it's a call for help. Is that how the teacher sees it too?
(BTW, I just heard an interview with Natalie Portman who said all she wanted to do since she was a young child was act and perform and be the center of attention. Hmmm...your child could be onto something!)
How closely does your school match your child's interests and talents?
Here are a few of the points of discussion from last night's session.
Our stress as parents seems to stem from wanting what is best for our children, but not exactly knowing how to do that. We listen to so many people yet have forgotten to listen to ourselves. Our children need time simply to be near, touch, or talk to us. Nothing fancy, just time. So why do we have them scheduled for back to back classes AFTER school?
In 25 years, many of our children will be working in jobs and in fields that have not yet been created. How do we prepare them for that?
When our babies were born, we were utterly head over heels in love with them. Nothing in the world could compare to that angel. Then, at one point we brought our son or daughter to a mommy and me group, and looked around at other 15-18 month olds who, all of a sudden appeared cuter, smarter and more talented than our little angel. When you start to compare your child to others, what happens to your perception of them? How does that perception affect your parenting style? You are your child's mirror. What does he see now, on the ride home from mommy and me, that he didn't see earlier?
I think that sometimes the role of the preschool teacher is to help parents fall in love with their children again.
The 2 year old girl who lines up each raisin from the box before she eats it is having a great time on her own. Yet, why do so many parents feel compelled to stop her? Is it because she is doing something quirky, something their friend's daughter never did, and they are embarrassed? Or is it becasue they are in a rush to get her to ballet class? Take a moment and watch her. She's happy. She's engaged. She's playing beautifully on her own. She's THINKING! Why stop her?
A parent shared that her 3 year old son doesn't listen to her. I asked her what she was asking of him. "Usual stuff", she said. "Things like 'Show Bubbie what you learned in school, come count to 5 for Aunt Susie, show everyone what you did in art.'' I gave her a smile and told her that her shy son wasn't being rude, he was being honest. By "not listening" he was actually telling his mother something. Maybe she wasn't listening to him either. I asked her to think about what he loves to do. What makes him happy? How might she let him share that?
How cool would it be if we could just accept are children for who they are and what they love to do? Is it possible to allow them to be honest versions of themselves? When you see that your 5 year old loves to dance and sing, do you lament that she wants to be the center of attention, or do you choose to celebrate that she has negotiated a way to communicate that suits her? Build her a stage, make some popcorn, and let the show begin!
Well meaning parents and teachers are "pre-diagnosing" children as having ADD or ADHD because the children can't seem to pay attention in school. Why are these children unable to pay attention? For the most part, they are bored. No one is giving your 5 year old dancer the chance to move while she is learning. She's being told to sit and listen and focus. Children who are bored may feel stress because they what they really want to do is use their brains and participate. They will try anything to stimulate their minds. They might jump up impulsively in circle time or hit their friend over the head. To them, it's a call for help. Is that how the teacher sees it too?
(BTW, I just heard an interview with Natalie Portman who said all she wanted to do since she was a young child was act and perform and be the center of attention. Hmmm...your child could be onto something!)
How closely does your school match your child's interests and talents?
The Tiger Mother in Me
Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, made headlines last week while promoting her style of parenting with an iron fist. Kudos to her for bringing attention to parenting issues, right or wrong. Kudos to her for her marketing genius. She'll sell more books than legos has blocks. My only hope is that parents don't see this as a "how to" guide, rather, they use it to generate their own ideas on what they will and will not do.
All this attention got me thinking. Was I a Tiger Mother? Hardly. I was more like Crouching Kitty Hidden Puppy. You boys wanna turn the living room into a tent city? The sheets are in the closet. Looking to tie up your brother in preparation for a Houdini escape? Here's some more rope. Don't wanna do your homework? Frankly I don't blame you. But I'll sit with you and keep you company if it helps.
When the boys were little, we were told they would grow to be at least 6'3". When I realized what that meant, I panicked for a moment. How was I going to raise these boys when I would have to stand on a chair just to see eye-to-eye? What if I sent them to their rooms and they decided to kill me instead?
That's when we decided to focus on raising boys who were socially and emotionally competant, who were comfortable with who they were, and who would use their talents to contribute to society.
My claws came out, don't get me wrong. I think I even roared a few times. But I didn't do so when when they were being themselves, I did it when they appeared to give up being themselves. Now, at 6'5 and 6'3 respectively, Dan and Nick seem pretty comfortable in their skin, and, from what I know, have never contemplated assassination.
So far so good.
All this attention got me thinking. Was I a Tiger Mother? Hardly. I was more like Crouching Kitty Hidden Puppy. You boys wanna turn the living room into a tent city? The sheets are in the closet. Looking to tie up your brother in preparation for a Houdini escape? Here's some more rope. Don't wanna do your homework? Frankly I don't blame you. But I'll sit with you and keep you company if it helps.
That's when we decided to focus on raising boys who were socially and emotionally competant, who were comfortable with who they were, and who would use their talents to contribute to society.
My claws came out, don't get me wrong. I think I even roared a few times. But I didn't do so when when they were being themselves, I did it when they appeared to give up being themselves. Now, at 6'5 and 6'3 respectively, Dan and Nick seem pretty comfortable in their skin, and, from what I know, have never contemplated assassination.
So far so good.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Now is the Time to Prepare Your Preschooler for College!
Ok, parents. Here is the advice you have been waiting for. The husband and wife team of Nicholas and Erika Christakis work with the students of a residential hall at Harvard College. Erika is a former preschool director who is currently an ECE teacher, and Nicholas is a professor of medicine and sociology at Harvard. Together they share their rationale of learning through play.
Advice from Harvard
Advice from Harvard
Monday, January 10, 2011
Simon Says PLAY!
From The New York Times last week:
"For several years, studies and statistics have been mounting that suggest the culture of play in the United States is vanishing. Children spend far too much time in front of a screen, educators and parents lament - 7 hours 38 minutes a day on average, according to a survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation last year....Children learn to control their impulses through games like Simon Says, play advocates believe, and they learn to solve problems, negotiate, think creatively and work as a team when they dig together in a sandbox or build a fort with sofa cushions".
Play is making a comeback. New initiatives are heading your way. Take a moment to read this article, then go have some fun with your kids!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/garden/06play.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=children%20and%20play&st=cse
"For several years, studies and statistics have been mounting that suggest the culture of play in the United States is vanishing. Children spend far too much time in front of a screen, educators and parents lament - 7 hours 38 minutes a day on average, according to a survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation last year....Children learn to control their impulses through games like Simon Says, play advocates believe, and they learn to solve problems, negotiate, think creatively and work as a team when they dig together in a sandbox or build a fort with sofa cushions".
Play is making a comeback. New initiatives are heading your way. Take a moment to read this article, then go have some fun with your kids!
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/06/garden/06play.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=children%20and%20play&st=cse
Monday, December 27, 2010
Note to the Parents part 3
When my son Nick was three years old, his teacher took ill and left mid year. Her replacement was nice, but Nick soon realized that something was amuck. One day he walked out of his classroom and into my office (I was the preschool director), and he said, "Momma. Talk to me."
I asked him what he wanted to talk about. "It doesn't matter", he said, "Just let's talk."
See, Nick's teacher, before she left, encouraged him to talk all day long. She would ask the class questions about everything and anything, and even let them negotiate clean up routines, schedule changes, etc. The class belonged to the children, too, and Nick thrived in that environment. This new teacher, however, didn't think that way, and the class was expected to follow rules and talk about things that really weren't relevant to my son.
Incredibly perceptive, Nick.
And a great lesson for momma, too.
We know that having ample time to explore in an environment that is rich with materials is a wonderful gift we can give our children. However, equally important is the quality of the interactions we have with them.
The article "Fertile Minds" from our last posts explained that, while a child is born with their neurons formed, the WIRING of the dendrites that come from the neurons doesn't occur until after birth. What makes the wiring stong?
Experiences.
Experiences with people.
Experiences with live people, not tv.
Experiences with live people who are talking to them, not to other adults.
In a 2004 statement to the Subcommittee on Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services of the Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Dr. Joy D. Osofsky, President of the Board of Directors of Zero to Three shared,
I asked him what he wanted to talk about. "It doesn't matter", he said, "Just let's talk."
See, Nick's teacher, before she left, encouraged him to talk all day long. She would ask the class questions about everything and anything, and even let them negotiate clean up routines, schedule changes, etc. The class belonged to the children, too, and Nick thrived in that environment. This new teacher, however, didn't think that way, and the class was expected to follow rules and talk about things that really weren't relevant to my son.
Incredibly perceptive, Nick.
And a great lesson for momma, too.
We know that having ample time to explore in an environment that is rich with materials is a wonderful gift we can give our children. However, equally important is the quality of the interactions we have with them.
The article "Fertile Minds" from our last posts explained that, while a child is born with their neurons formed, the WIRING of the dendrites that come from the neurons doesn't occur until after birth. What makes the wiring stong?
Experiences.
Experiences with people.
Experiences with live people, not tv.
Experiences with live people who are talking to them, not to other adults.
In a 2004 statement to the Subcommittee on Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services of the Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, Dr. Joy D. Osofsky, President of the Board of Directors of Zero to Three shared,
"Infants and toddlers who are able to develop secure attachments
are observed to be more mature and positive in their interactions
with adults and peers than children who lack secure attachments...
Those who do not have an opportunity to form a secure attachment
with a trusted adult...suffer grave consequences. Their development
can deteriorate, resulting in delays in cognition and learning..."
In short, our children need consistent, responsive and affectionate care.
What does that look like in a preschool setting?
1. Adults speak WITH the children, not just TO them.
- Some teachers use their classroom time conversations for caregiving routines (wash your hands, pick up the blocks, let's clean up before lunch, etc.)
- Others use this time to encourage children's thoughts and ideas. (What do you think will happen if you added this to that? Why did you choose those colors? How did you come to that conclusion?)
- And still others use this time to also encourage conversations with peers. (Bobby, can you please share with Sarah how you built your airport?)
You are looking for a balance of power in conversations. Mostly, those that encourage thinking and communicating with others.
(In case you were wondering, yes, there are ways to set up the classroom and home so that the caregiving routine conversations aren't the mainstay of conversation. Email me, I can help!)
2. Children feel safe to share their thoughts and ideas, without judgement or ridicule by others.
Sounds easy enough, right? But what about the little girl who doesn't want to touch fingerpaint? Does the teacher say "It's okay, sweetie, you can do it. Just "buck up" and stick your fingers in the paint. The other kids are doing it, and I know can."
No one is yelling at her, yet what messages are we sending?
You are looking for an answer that encourages and supports. In this case, the teacher might offer her options like touching one finger to the edge of the paper first, or giving her a glove to cover her hand before trying, etc. If it doesn't work, the next response could be "No problem, Sara, we will find another way use the paints that works for you, and we can try this whenever you are ready."
You are looking for an answer that encourages and supports. In this case, the teacher might offer her options like touching one finger to the edge of the paper first, or giving her a glove to cover her hand before trying, etc. If it doesn't work, the next response could be "No problem, Sara, we will find another way use the paints that works for you, and we can try this whenever you are ready."
3. Children are able to express their feelings.
We cry. Children cry. We are all allowed to cry. No one should tell your child that it's not OK to cry. There is a reason she is crying. There are things we can do to figure out why she's crying, and how to help her. Not all crying is manipulative, and what appears to be manipulative crying is there for a reason, so let's work this through and help the child.
(If you or the teacher can't figure this out, contact me. That's what I do for a living.)
For Dr. Osofsky's statement to the SAMHS committee:
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/imhtestimony.pdf?docID=1286
For Dr. Osofsky's statement to the SAMHS committee:
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/imhtestimony.pdf?docID=1286
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Amazing how that works...
I do facepainting on the weekends. It allows me to hang out with my husband who is a magician and balloon artist.(http://www.balloonsbyjon.com/). It also gives me a chance to observe children and parents together.
I learn a great deal at birthday parties.
Yesterday was awesome.
This party had a petting zoo and bounce house in addition to our entertainment. The moms and some of the kids played outside with the pigs and goats while the other children and their fathers were inside with the balloons and facepainting.
I must share: At many of the parties, I notice that the dads are usually busy talking "dad talk", and sneaking out of the room to watch the game. This generally leaves the young children in line by themselves.
Not here.
These dads stayed with their children, and seemed to genuinely enjoy their company.
A 2 year old boy, looking at the pictures of facepainting options, pointed to the face of flowers. I half-expected dad to suggest the spider man or dragon, but this dad simply asked "what color flowers, bud?"
Another dad, noticing that his 3 year old daughter was scared, quickly asked her if she would let him go first. As I was painting a soccer ball on dad's face, he made comments like, "wow this is kind of tickly, but it's okay", and gave his daughter the thumbs up sign. It worked. She hopped up on the chair when he was done, and told me her face was "tickly." :)
One dad asked his son if he wanted to have matching pirate faces.
But that's not all I saw.
The children were happy and well behaved. They waited nicely for their turn and they even thanked me when they were done. Jon told me he had a similar experience, too.
Hmmm....the children who were given attention and time were the best behaved children.
Go figure...
I learn a great deal at birthday parties.
Yesterday was awesome.
This party had a petting zoo and bounce house in addition to our entertainment. The moms and some of the kids played outside with the pigs and goats while the other children and their fathers were inside with the balloons and facepainting.
I must share: At many of the parties, I notice that the dads are usually busy talking "dad talk", and sneaking out of the room to watch the game. This generally leaves the young children in line by themselves.
Not here.
These dads stayed with their children, and seemed to genuinely enjoy their company.
A 2 year old boy, looking at the pictures of facepainting options, pointed to the face of flowers. I half-expected dad to suggest the spider man or dragon, but this dad simply asked "what color flowers, bud?"
Another dad, noticing that his 3 year old daughter was scared, quickly asked her if she would let him go first. As I was painting a soccer ball on dad's face, he made comments like, "wow this is kind of tickly, but it's okay", and gave his daughter the thumbs up sign. It worked. She hopped up on the chair when he was done, and told me her face was "tickly." :)
One dad asked his son if he wanted to have matching pirate faces.
But that's not all I saw.
The children were happy and well behaved. They waited nicely for their turn and they even thanked me when they were done. Jon told me he had a similar experience, too.
Hmmm....the children who were given attention and time were the best behaved children.
Go figure...
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Note to the Parents (part two)
On February 3, 1997, Time magazine came out with a special report on children's brain development. The issue had pet scan pictures of the brain's wiring, landmark study results, interviews with scientists, and anecdotal stories.
This issue changed my professional life.
The lead article, "FERTILE MINDS", written by J. Madeline Nash, brought to our attention that brains are wired at such an incredibly fast speed and that the child's environment has a profound affect on the child's growth. Yes, genetics are responsible for the actual wires that are present, but the environment can make a huge difference in the way those wires are connected. Nash states "Moreover, it is becoming increasingly clear that well-designed preschool programs can help many children overcome glaring deficits in their home environment."
Wow. If quality programs can help children overcome glaring deficits, I wondered, how can they affect children in homes without deficits? I began an in-depth study of early childhood environments, and continue to do so almost 14 years later.
Here's a TIP: The environment can be broken into three areas:
Temporal (schedules and timing)
Interactions (among all adults and peers), and
Physical Environment
What to look for in terms of the TEMPORAL environment.
Look for a program that understands children and is
flexible enough to accommodate all children.
Look for a program with at least one hour of
classroom play every morning and every afternoon.
Specials like gym, Spanish and music can be interesting, engaging and even educational, but be cautious that they don't take over the classroom's schedule. If the child has a morning special in addition to a 25 minute circle time, this can add up to over 60 minutes of group time. Add 30 minutes for lunch, 15 for snack, and (hopefully) 30 minutes for outside play, plus time for transitions, potty breaks, etc, this could leave as little as 30 minutes of free play time opportunity in the classroom.Look for a preschool that focuses
on the children's needs and interests.
It's normal for 4 year olds to sit in a group activity for as long as they are interested. If they are not interested, it is completely normal for them to want to leave circle time. It's not that they have ADHD or are rude and disrespectful, it is that their brains are looking for more interesting things to do.When looking at a preschool, take some time to watch group activities. Are ALL the children engaged in the activity? Are children who are not interested allowed to seek other activities?
Next time, we'll talk about interactions. In the meantime, you can read the article "FERTILE MINDS" http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,985854-3,00.html#ixzz17ZkhwbqD
Monday, December 06, 2010
An open conversation with the parents of preschoolers
Dear Parents,
There has been a great deal of confusion among parents over what is the best kind of preschool for young children. Maybe your child's preschool:
1. Promises that your 4 year old will leave their program reading.
2. Fills your child's day with "specials" like music, dance, Spanish, and gym.
3. Decorates the classrooms with store bought posters of the alphabet, shapes and colors.
4. Sends home crafty projects every day.
Or maybe it offers all of the above.
Guess what?
NONE of these is representative of quality. None.
These schools are doing what they think you want, not what is best for children.
Oddly enough, the teachers want to do what is best, but are worried that you will pull your child out if you think the school isn't "academic" enough. So they continue to perpetuate this facade.
Who am I and why am I telling you this?
I'm an early childhood specialist. And because someone has to stop the madness.
Pass this along to friends of yours. Send a link to your sister-in-law, your boss...anyone with young children.
And come back soon. We've got lots to talk about. You bring questions. I'll bring research.
There has been a great deal of confusion among parents over what is the best kind of preschool for young children. Maybe your child's preschool:
1. Promises that your 4 year old will leave their program reading.
2. Fills your child's day with "specials" like music, dance, Spanish, and gym.
3. Decorates the classrooms with store bought posters of the alphabet, shapes and colors.
4. Sends home crafty projects every day.
Or maybe it offers all of the above.
Guess what?
NONE of these is representative of quality. None.
These schools are doing what they think you want, not what is best for children.
Oddly enough, the teachers want to do what is best, but are worried that you will pull your child out if you think the school isn't "academic" enough. So they continue to perpetuate this facade.
Who am I and why am I telling you this?
I'm an early childhood specialist. And because someone has to stop the madness.
Pass this along to friends of yours. Send a link to your sister-in-law, your boss...anyone with young children.
And come back soon. We've got lots to talk about. You bring questions. I'll bring research.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
צֶלֶם אֱלֹהִים In the Image of God
Our children are everything. They are our link to the past, and our connection to the future. All that we do with and for them, therefore, reflects who we are and where we're going.
Which explains why I sometimes worry about our future.
Now, don't get me wrong. We're not doomed. We CAN fix this. We just need to make some changes.
Including me. Beginning with this blog.
We are told that we are created in the Image of God. Our children come to us with their sparks of Divinity. Let's learn from them. Let's foster their interests. Let's take care of our future.
Let's talk.
Which explains why I sometimes worry about our future.
Now, don't get me wrong. We're not doomed. We CAN fix this. We just need to make some changes.
Including me. Beginning with this blog.
We are told that we are created in the Image of God. Our children come to us with their sparks of Divinity. Let's learn from them. Let's foster their interests. Let's take care of our future.
Let's talk.
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